This is a shout out to all quarantine lovers in this time of the coronavirus lock down, whether your love is brand new, well established or almost over, whether it took the form of marriage, parenthood or is going to; it does not matter you are all lovers in quarantine, even if right now you might be convinced there is no love to speak of.
We are all going to be personally challenged at some point as this is a time of heightened collective anxiety, fear, and confusion. We have had most of our coping mechanisms and distractions removed: work, cigarettes, alcohol, gym etc. Most of us have also had our means for survival, our incomes cut off, limited or entirely removed by this pandemic; this is a time of mass uncertainty and instability.
Our fight, flight or freeze triggers, our pain bodies, our issues are going to be provoked, invoked and stoked and the person we will invariably be left looking at is our lover, our partner, our spouse or a significant other we love. In confinement with no where else to turn they will at some point occur to us as the very cause of our suffering, discomfort or pain, as we will similarly occur to them. It’s a human condition to project our feelings and experiences on to the person standing right in front of us as the embodiment of all our problems, our obstacles, our pains and in some cases our abuse. It is a convincing and very compelling human condition that few of us are spared suffering from.
The first thing you have to know is that you are not alone, most quarantine lovers I have spoken to are going through exactly the same thing right now in varying levels of intensity. In many ways it may feel like the end of the world which it is in a certain way, but it does not need to be the end of love, compassion and grace.
And here is the thing you have to recall, remind yourself of and get present to: your partnership was born out of love. The intention to share love and create which is why you are sharing this space in the first place. You have to go back to the beginning, to the conception point and remember that space. No matter how things may have or will soured it is still born from the intention of love. The Universe has conspired whether you like it or not and designated this as your quarantine lover, this is your apocalypse partner. You have an opportunity to make this work, hold the space, to rise to the challenge or break and be broken.
If anything this is a significant time for personal healing and container building, a time to truly learn to distinguish in our perception and interpretation of what is an authentic threat or obstacle in our lives (which there are) and what is really just our own projections and ghosts from the past. It is our time to re evaluate or strengthen our contracts and agreements with ourselves and with others.
It is a vital time to create and foster conscious communication and a way of processing difficult feelings and healthy boundaries with our significant other that does not involve blaming, complaining transference or acting out. In the actual moment of being triggered this is obviously much easier said than done but you will have to figure this shit out, you have no choice; there is no other place to run or hide.
You have to practice disengaging and cooling down if you cannot communicate from an empowering context, if you cannot give up the need to fight, run away or shut down then learn to step away with grace, breath, reground and then come back to recreate.
It is nothing to be proud of if you’re willing to escalate your situation to sulking, blaming, shouting, using physical force or engaging verbal abuse even if you feel completely justified or entitled; there is nothing powerful in that. In the end it only ever leaves us with regret, shame with an combative environment of hurt that becomes harder and harder to navigate and heal. I know I have been there, it takes ages to restore and heal something that only takes moments to destroy in emotionally entitled indulgence.
When these situations do rise something will have to break, either your defensive fighting offended ego or the wellbeing and peace of your space. Your living space can become a living hell or a space of dynamic healing, it really is your choice.
Your quarantine lover is your gift and this time is one of huge opportunity. There is a much bigger calling in the world that we need to rise to, bigger than our personal needs and hurts. If we do not have a life context and mission bigger than these wants then we will find ourselves screwed in our perverted introversions. If we cannot rise outwardly to the calling in gratitude for love, love in our hearts and in our homes no matter what, then there will be no ultimate rising. Change starts here and now where we are, in this quarantine, facing ourselves, facing our partnerships, facing our behaviours, facing our addictions, taking conscious ownership for all of this world that we have created.
So this shout out goes to all the lovers in quarantine, I hold you all in my thoughts, prayers and meditations, may you find your way through this period, may your love been reborn, revitalized, reinvigorated and remembered. I know in many circumstances it may be a seemingly impossible undertaking but we are moving into the age where transforming the impossible is a necessity. Die to love and be reborn or suffer in the loss if it. We have to forge a new path and a new way from the spaces of our homes into this world.